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Cheesy Potato Burrito

There comes a time in a young man's life when he needs to go to taco bell for the first time. Mostly. This t-bell cherry pop is brought about out of road-trip necessity, a drunken stupor, or a disgusting friend's poor taste. In my case, the third option1 finally brought me to the big magenta bell, prepared to think outside the bun.

OBJECTIVE: CHEESY POTATO BURRITO

Suggestion for all tacobells: rig your system up such that when the door opens, the whole store hears your tacobell gong-bong instead of the generic convenience store bing those systems come with from the manufacturer. This is about branding, Taco Bell, and will also help blind patrons know that they have come to the right2 place.

I feel like I journalistically must come clean about my bias, though you may have already caught on: my expectation going into this review was that Taco Bell sucks. Having never been there before, the basis for my bias was the internet's plethora of commentary such as this and this.

I made sure to tell the cashier several times that I was going to review the food on a very successful food blog in the hopes that this would cause the taco assembler3 to put some extra tender loving care into my burrito. The cashier never told the taco machine operator lady in back. I think he was coughing too much to want to talk extra. He kept clearing his throat in a nasty way sounding like he had a greasy paper bag lodged in there and struggled to ask if I wanted a drink with that. Not only did this man work at TB, he also likely had TB.

In any case, so be it. I'd take a standard burrito. I grabbed it and unwrapped. No veggies in the cheesy potato burrito. Just a tortilla loosely retaining a runny slurry of ground beef, liquid cheese cut with sour cream, some chunks of diner-style breakfast potatoes, and that's it. It was gross. I had my friends eat the rest. They, too, are gross.

For an establishment with the slogan "Live Mas"4 the food certainly wasn't helping you do that. I imagine a cheesy potato burrito a day would be detrimental to human health. It also didn't taste good, fill you up, nor was it especially cheap. Don't buy. I give its desire a 1/10, but its temperature a 9/10.

1Barteau's poor taste in blog topics

2Though more likely, wrong

3Chef?

4"Live more," you gringos

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